This is just like I remember

Christmas always brings back some of the most sweet memories for me. I remember Christmas in Southern Idaho always involved lots of cousins and time at my grandparents houses. In a way I am a little sad for my children because the excitement and chaos that flash in my memories are so different from what theirs will be. We don't hang out with Tom's family because their lifestyles and habits are so very different from ours (that would have to be covered in an entirely different blog) and my family is close in spirit but live farther away. It is a different time for all of us.

First memory - my Grandpa and Grandma Schlund lived in a little home on a big farm about thirty minutes from my home. We went there at least once a month and spent about every third Christmas or so at their home. My grandmother was an excellent cook and always made the foods that my dad liked. She was a really happy lady or at least she seemed so when we were around. My grandfather was a quiet, subdued man. He didn't have much to say and seemed kind of grouchy. As I got older, I figured out that he would do just about anything for me if I would sing to him. He loved to listen to me sing.

I remember going to their home one Christmas and somehow we talked them into opening most of our presents on Christmas Eve. It was the most anticlimatic Christmas ever. The funny thing was that my grandmother warned us that Christmas just wouldn't be the same, but she let us do it anyway. We played pool with my grandpa that Christmas. I don't remember if that was was their Christmas present or not but they had finished their basement and put a pool table down there. This was not something that people did in the seventies. Basements were supposed to be cold storage for food not playrooms. I remember my grandpa laughed a lot that Christmas and his laughter made me really happy.

Second memory - we lived next door to my mom's parents and we spent a lot of time at their house. But every Christmas it seemed that on Christmas eve, we had a party at the Barlow's. It seemed like everyone came, even though to a little girl it probably was just the family. We had a talent show of sorts. I loved this because my aunt and uncle would play organ/piano duets. My grandparents had a pitched roof upstairs that had two rooms, a small bedroom with a fluffy full bed and a bigger bedroom that had lots of twin beds in it. The cousins got to sleep in that room. I remember watching the automatic outside light for most of the night wondering what Santa would bring us. It was always so much fun to be there for Christmas.

Third memory - I had just gotten married on December 19, 1985 and I wanted to go see the lights at Temple Square. I had heard my mother talk about how beautiful they were and how much she wanted to go see them and that never happened because my dad hated to go to Utah. The Christmas we got married was bitter cold and snowed constantly. So I still don't remember how I talked Tom into going to Utah except that we didn't have much money to go anywhere else. As we got closer to Utah, I began to realize that my new husband also didn't care for Utah much. We arrived at Temple Square, drove around the block attempting to find a parking space, nearly getting into three weather related accidents only to have Tom say..."See, there are the lights. Have I ever told you how much I hate Utah?" With that he turned around and drove back to Idaho. We didn't stop until we reached Pocatello.

Fourth memory - Mikael was about eight and he needed to have surgery on his femur. He was tripping himself when he walked because his foot turned in so much. The surgeon at PCMC thought that a left femoral trochanterosteotomy would fix the problem. This meant that his femur would be cut in half, twisted and then plated back together. The surgery would last approximately six hours or so. It wasn't the first surgery that he had ever had but for some reason I was really nervous about this one. Sometimes knowing is scarier than not knowing. Being a nurse, I knew all the complications for this particular procedure and I was afraid for my little boy.

We chose to do it at Christmas because Mike had a hard time in school anyway and so we didn't want him to miss too much and this would give him the four months after that he needed to recooperate before he started baseball. He was going to have to be nonweight bearing for four months to give the bone time to heal. Actually Christmas turned out to be an amazing time to be at PCMC. There were opportunities everyday for the kids to have good things happen. Someone famous came to visit everyday and Mike was adorable so we were signing a press release just about everyday so that his picture could appear in or on one media venue or another.

Before we went to the hospital though, I thought that something really special was in order so I arranged for us all (Tom, Mike, Alyssa, Grandma Schlund, and myself) to visit Temple Square to see the lights. It was amazing and the kids loved it. Because it was below zero outside, the visitor centers were void of visitors and we pretty much had the place to ourselves. The sister missionaries were delighted to have someone to talk to and were more than willing to take us around on our own personal guide tours. In one of the visitor centers, there is a room where the lights are all turned out at one point and it looks like you are standing in the middle of the galaxy. I was not aware until seconds before that this would happen and being the mom that I am I searched frantically for my little ones when the lights came back on. My mother was crying when the lights came back on as was the sister missionary. When we got upstairs, both attempted to tell us what happened when the lights went off. Mikael was standing between the missionary and my mom and he grabbed both of their hands and whispered "this is just like I remember from before." My mom asked him "Before when?" And in his sweet eight year old voice, newly being baptized by just a few weeks said, "Before I was here. You know in heaven."

I am grateful for these moments that I remember. The sweet Christmas memories that come flooding back when I choose to allow myself to place myself back in time. Merry Christmas!

24

Twenty-four years ago, I was a very unsure nineteen year old with plenty of dreams and no common sense. But I knew one thing for sure, I loved Tom Edelmayer. We were standing on the edge of the rest of our forever together. Somedays I wish that I could go back to that day and feel the excitement of not knowing what was going to happen and dreaming of all that could. Yet there is a pleasant satisfaction in knowing that I know him and he knows me. I am grateful for the little things that we have hung onto throughout the years that identify our love for each other. I am not even sure that we remember anymore why they got started in the first place but we continue to use them like comfortable blankets.

I fell up a mountain for him when we met. We went up to Meadow Lake for a picnic. I challenged him to a race up a short trail (full well knowing that he would let me win) and half way up, I tripped. I slid without even getting my hands out in front of me. I believe I had dirt in my teeth and other odd places that are not ok to talk about on this blog. He stiffled his laughter long enough to pick me up and attempt to dust me off without inappropriate first date touching. I was mortified and truly believed that he would drop me off at the end of the date and sigh "Good riddence". But instead he smiled with his grey blue eyes, kissed me on the cheek and told me that he would call me. I told my roomates that he was the man I was going to marry. Fortunately for me he allowed me the opportunity to fullfill that prophecy:)

As a nurse, I frequently care for people with chest pain and I ask them to describe the pain to me. I usually have to ask questions like..."Is it a sharp pain like someone is stabbing you? Or a dull ache like heartburn, radiating down your arm and up into your neck?" I think this is a lot like what happens after this many years of being married. I remember when we first met and for many years after we were first married. He would walk into the room or brush up next to me and my heart would quicken its pace, beating rapidly, sharply. Now it is more like my heart moves in rhythm with his, radiating through our whole home when we are in sync. I loved the quick excitement that our youth brought but I am content with the strong, radiating comfort that our maturity brings.



I am grateful for his involvement in his children's lives. This is a man who was involved in many activities, hunting, fishing, golf, sports of all kinds. He was almost 26 years old when we married and I can honestly say that for many years I felt like I ran a "close" second to activities and his family. However, as our children have grown up following their dad around and frequently participating in those activities, his love for those activities became something more. It became about his love for his children. He no longer goes to play golf for himself. He goes to watch and tweek his children's golf game as they develop their own loves for the things he once loved to do. I love his enthusiasm for their talents and his willingness to share how he feels about them with anyone that will listen.

Over the years, if there were one word that I could attach to Tom it would be honest. Honest in every aspect of his life. I think if there were a gene for honesty, Tom has it in the nucleus of every cell of his body. He tells it how it is. Never pulls any punches. He would never slight anyone or anything. Take for instance his employment. I have never known any foundation that he has ever formed and poured that was more than 1/16th off square. For any one that knows concrete, that is extremely difficult to do. He has never asked anyone that has worked for him to do anything that he wasn't willing to jump in and do himself. This work ethic also applies to his spiritual work in the church.

Twenty-four years is a long time for anything. We have beat the odds in so many ways. I remember going to Mikael's neurologist when he was about ten for a check-up. It had been years since Tom had gone with us as he was busy making a living and I had kind of taken over that job. The doctor was surprised to see him and made the comment that he never would have bet that we would have stayed married. Marriages have a difficult time surviving normal everyday struggles. Add in there a chronically ill child, mounting medical bills, and a plethora of other odds and it really is amazing that we still like each other. As we face each new challenge that seem to arise at every corner we turn, I am so very grateful that we are doing it together, 24 hours of everyday, for the last 24 years.

I loved this man when I met him and I will continue to love him for many more years to come.

5 Deep Breaths

Do you know that on the inside of a Dove's chocolate that there are quip little quotes, comments, or future suggestions. I probably didn't know that because I don't usually eat Dove's chocolates, I am a mini Reese's peanut buttercup kind of gal but Jaxon chose those as his treat after his game last night. I was kind of surprised because normally Jaxon does not like to eat chocolate but this was his choice.

Today, Tom and Jaxon were going to McDonald's for breakfast (Jaxon's favorite pre-game breakfast) when Tom accidentally backed up and even though he had looked a little Jetta came around the corner and Tom caught her passenger door with his back bumper. Our pickup came out of it unscathed, the Jetta has a dent. Not so cool...

Later, our little boy's Madison Cats team that Jaxon plays on lost a game in a tournament that they have been playing in. We have decided that the boys are just not morning players as anytime they do play in the am, it takes till the four quarter to wake up. Hello, that is not your alarm you are hearing, that is the four quarter buzzer! They were bummed and as always the dad's (I blame testosterone) were on edge and full of suggestions of how they could do better. Needless to say, voices were raised and nerves were on edge.

The family hopped into the car and proceeded to "pick" at each other for one thing or another. I am certain that this never happens to other families or at least that is what Lifetime television has led me to believe. While this family togetherness is occurring, Alyssa opens up one of those Dove candies and reads the following: Take five deep breaths. She immediately relays this information to all of us. In fact she demanded that we follow the instructions from the chocolate wisdom. Amazingly enough five deep breaths are just the thing to do the trick for tense situations.

Maybe the exact cure for what ails us is something as simple as chocolate and deep breathing. Who knew?

Grasshopper and the Ants

So I have been thinking a lot about the economy. Really who hasn't. Over the last year, millions have lost their jobs. My husband included. What started out as "Things will be OK" has turned into "They are just things". Although it is very liberating to know that in a months time I have only spent money on bills and food, it is also somewhat scary to know that as Christmas approaches...well it is definitely going to be different.

I remembered recently the fable of the grasshopper and the ants. The grasshopper plays and plays and the ants work and work. Not only do they play and work but they are somewhat nagging each other as they do it. The grasshopper refuses to acknowledge that winter is coming and the ants refuse to take a day off, working their little antenna to nubs (or something like that). Winter comes quickly and catches the grasshopper "off guard" while the ants are prepared, warm and happy. The grasshopper begs the ants to let him in and they refuse and rebuke him for his idleness and he dies.

I personally like the nicer version of this fable in that the ants have pity on the grasshopper and help him repent by giving him jobs to "pay" his way to staying with the ants and sharing in their hard work. So here is what I have been thinking about...lots of us were playing the "grasshopper" roll. We refused to heed the warnings for the impending gloom and doom. Tomorrow, I will stock my food storage, save extra cash and get out of debt. . .Tomorrow is a long time away. . .we don't have to worry because it is tomorrow. I believe there were a few smart "ants" that paid attention to the signs and warnings and "followed the Prophet". So now I have spent time in the cold (so to speak) and I am repentent. I want to be with the ants, maybe let them embrace me and tell me it will be ok. Maybe they will allow me the privilege to warm myself at their good choices and forgive me of my foolishness.

I am grateful for the few wise choices that I did make. Jaxon asked the other day if we were done eating food storage cause he is not sold on this food concept. He really likes food for anyone who doesn't know that. Good thing he likes mac n cheese and ramen noodles. My little home is cozy not extravigant or showy. Heats for less and has a managable payment. I have an education that although I have to leave my "little people", they will be fed by my hard work.

I am exceptionally grateful for the little blessings everyday that help me to understand that the Lord loves me and is mindful of my needs. He forgives me for my foolish ways and allows me to show him that I can change. Indeed this has been a long winter. . . and I am looking forward to the warmth that I hope the spring might bring.

Sweet Spirit

For the second time in a month, I was witness to my son standing up at a church podium and proclaim the gospel and his sweet testimony. For our Primary sacrament meeting program, the primary presidency asked Jaxon if he would share his story of how he came to be with our family and how the temple has made us a forever family. I have to tell you that Jaxon has always been non-interested in his birth story. His cousin Branden is eager to share his but Jaxon seems so ok to not know details or particulars. When we went to pick him up our visit was such a short one that we promised that we would take him to visit when he was 8 years old. He told us that Rexburg was his home and he really didn't need to go visit somewhere he didn't remember. (We are now planning for 12) So needless to say, Jaxon was not super excited to stand up in front of grown ups and talk about something that he didn't feel like talking about.

So I made a deal with him. I would write some of the thoughts and feelings about the events that surrounded his adoption and our taking him to the temple and he could decide what he did or didn't want to say. In the end it was short and sweet and completely sounded like Jaxon. The day of the Primary practice was Jaxon's championship game for grid kid football so he had to wing the standing up in front of everyone.

The program, like always was touching and full of the spirit. But Jaxon's talk had the entire congregation sobbing by the end. He looked like a little missionary, confident and full of the spirit as he spoke. He told us that he thought he was going to vomit but honestly you would have never known it. His talk went like this:

Temple blessings unite families and my family has been blessed because of the sealing powers of the priesthood within the temple. I was born in Philadelphia to a woman named Michelle. She was not able to take care of me so she chose to give me to my mom and dad here in Rexburg. She wanted me to have a home where there could be a mom and a dad who could take care of me.

When I was six months old, my adoption was finalized and my family got to go to the temple so that I could be sealed to my mom and dad. My brother and sister were there. My mom says it was really neat to have all her children in the temple together dressed in white. Many wonderful things happened that day in the temple that testified to our family and others that we were meant to be together as a family.

Our family is forever, not just in words but because someone who held the keys sealed us together forever. I am grateful that Heavenly Father brought us together to be a family and the He blessed us with the gospel so that we can be united forever in the temple.

It was one of my most momentous spiritual moments. To see that little boy up there bearing his testimony knowing that things could have been so much different for him if ... but there again, this I know that he was supposed to be here. I know that the Lord has many great things for him to accomplish.

As the mother of this child and frankly all of my children, I feel a great responsibility to help them achieve their potential.

No they have changed mine!

So tonight we went to a movie. It has kind of become a Thanksgiving tradition to do this. This year we picked out a good one called The Blind Side. It is a story about a wealthy family taking in a young man who had been abandoned by everyone and helping him to become the best he could be. Mostly it was about the mother who felt that this boy needed some help and acted on that feeling. Two of my favorite parts in the show were 1) the mom, LeeAnn, is talking to her friends and they are asking her questions and kind of giving her flack for taking in a homeless black kid. She proceeds to set them straight and then one of the women says, "you are changing this boy's life" and LeeAnn says, "No he is changing mine." 2) Michael has left because he begins to believe that the only reason the family is taking care of him is to prep him to play sports for their alma mater. And after LeeAnn searches all over, she gets a phone call and Michael says, "Momma".



This was a tremendously powerful story about the influence we have on each other. So considering that this is Thanksgiving, I want to tell about the powerful influence that those in my life have had on me. Because I haven't changed their lives, they have changed mine.



I am married to an amazing man. In my opinion it is a miracle that Tom is who he is considering where he came from. His conversion story is powerful and sweet. He tells of being a little boy and knowing that all the things that his family did and stood for were not right. He knew that there was something more. He talks about the power of righteous friendships where members of the church encouraged him to participate in the simple activities of the church. He attended seminary in high school because those friends did and he learned the gospel. He learned it so well that when the missionaries came to him, he knew already that he wanted that in his life. I am grateful for the courage that he had to serve a mission knowing that no one in his family would support him, financially, emotionally or spiritually. I am eternally grateful that he married me in the temple of the Lord, despite the fact that only a handful of people from either of our family could attend. I adore him for being committed to me during the storms that we have weathered together. I admire him for his steadfastness in serving the Lord. I appreciate his honesty and willingness to forgive. I am so grateful that he is the kind of father that I wanted my children to have.



I am thankful for Mike. I love his ability to smile even when I think there is nothing to smile about. I have learned to appreciate the little things because of him. Things like: his willingness to let us tie his shoes even though a crowd is watching, his attention to the sports he loves and how he can break a move down so that he can accomplish it despite his body's inability to accomplish the task. I am thankful for his willingness to forgive everyone.

I am grateful for Alyssa. I appreciate her ability to remain calm and take life as it comes. In my opinion she is the epitome of a true lady and has been since she was a very little girl. She has a wisdom that spans far beyond her years and she teaches me much. She is humble not even recognizing how tremendously inspiring she is to those around her. I am grateful for her quiet peacefulness that balances my type A personality.

I am grateful for Jaxon. I love his quick wit and sweet smile. I am so grateful that he like his brother is comfortable in his own skin. I love that although he is a big, tough athlete, at the end of the day, he can still sit in the snuggle chair with me and be my little boy. I also love that despite being the super stud athlete, he is still kind to everyone. He loves to save the underdog under the radar. I love his laugh and how contagious it can be.

I am grateful that the Lord granted me the opportunity to be a part of this family because they have changed me...and for that I am grateful.

Off, Off and Away

It has been an extremely weird week. With people in mass histeria over the swine flu and I really wish that I were joking - I am a little weary. I actually prayed for more patience and less sarcasim the other morning. What I determined from that little prayer is that I am good for about seven hours and fifty-two minutes, then my mouth gets the best of me. I suppose that I need to keep praying.

I am going to write a book someday in the future that chronicles how in my next life (Ha Ha) I do not want to be the mom. Maybe the dad. It sometimes seems that their job is much less emotional and so because of that somewhat easier. However don't get me wrong I am sure that given a Freaky Friday situation, I would pale by comparison when it comes to my wonderful spouse. I am so grateful for the fact that I have been given the opportunity to be a mother because it affords me many avenues for growth. I just wish that the detours that arise and force me down very unfamiliar roads would be a little less painful for everyone involved.

The general theme of what I have learned on my last little detour is that 1) I missed my calling as a private investigator. My skills at finding the needle in the haystack are becoming more and more honed and 2) no matter what there has to be a silver lining. Frequently it requires much "fasting and prayer" to find it but there usually is a positive even if it is microscopic. 3) sometimes it is imperitive to use that soft, loving tone even when you want to scream at the top of your lungs and use words that were intended for a bar (not that I have ever tried that at all).

So lets address the first learning theme - Did you know that you can put a GPS track on a cell phone and they can locate the person who is in possession of that phone anywhere in the United States except Idaho and Montana. Good to know if you ever need to locate say a child who has been less than honest about his destination. Also your bank will put a trace on the use of someones debit card if you sob uncontrollably on the phone long enough. You know just in case you need to know that. Calling in favors from people who you have done nice things for in the past comes in handy. There still remains a level of indebtedness when you have been kind to others, so keep that up. You just never know when you will require a favor.

I have always wondered where the term silver lining comes from. I looked it up and really it is just a idiom that was conceived a long time ago. You were hoping for something really cool - sorry to disappoint. Anyway, I am learning that we have to look for the good in every situation. Usually it is the smallest of small details that without us examining it really closely would go over looked. Sometimes it even requires us to point the finger back at ourselves and just laugh at something we have done. Whatever the situation that requires us to look for the silver lining, there is something to be learned by looking for the good. Whether it be the fact that even though our children did something that we just couldn't imagine them doing...wow they did it without us guiding them through it and they came back unscathed.

I have decided that since the spirit speaks to us in a still small voice maybe, just maybe I need to speak in softer tones even when I am tempted to scream loudly in anger. I have found, although this skill is far from being perfected and needs to be used more frequently, that when I choose to lower my tone everyone responds better to what I am trying to say. Instead of a full blown, knock-down, drag-out fight ensuing, there is peace and I am able to get across my point with more impact than yell ever would.

One more thing I have learned. I need these situations and children and moments to teach me how to be better. How else would I learn?