This is just like I remember

Christmas always brings back some of the most sweet memories for me. I remember Christmas in Southern Idaho always involved lots of cousins and time at my grandparents houses. In a way I am a little sad for my children because the excitement and chaos that flash in my memories are so different from what theirs will be. We don't hang out with Tom's family because their lifestyles and habits are so very different from ours (that would have to be covered in an entirely different blog) and my family is close in spirit but live farther away. It is a different time for all of us.

First memory - my Grandpa and Grandma Schlund lived in a little home on a big farm about thirty minutes from my home. We went there at least once a month and spent about every third Christmas or so at their home. My grandmother was an excellent cook and always made the foods that my dad liked. She was a really happy lady or at least she seemed so when we were around. My grandfather was a quiet, subdued man. He didn't have much to say and seemed kind of grouchy. As I got older, I figured out that he would do just about anything for me if I would sing to him. He loved to listen to me sing.

I remember going to their home one Christmas and somehow we talked them into opening most of our presents on Christmas Eve. It was the most anticlimatic Christmas ever. The funny thing was that my grandmother warned us that Christmas just wouldn't be the same, but she let us do it anyway. We played pool with my grandpa that Christmas. I don't remember if that was was their Christmas present or not but they had finished their basement and put a pool table down there. This was not something that people did in the seventies. Basements were supposed to be cold storage for food not playrooms. I remember my grandpa laughed a lot that Christmas and his laughter made me really happy.

Second memory - we lived next door to my mom's parents and we spent a lot of time at their house. But every Christmas it seemed that on Christmas eve, we had a party at the Barlow's. It seemed like everyone came, even though to a little girl it probably was just the family. We had a talent show of sorts. I loved this because my aunt and uncle would play organ/piano duets. My grandparents had a pitched roof upstairs that had two rooms, a small bedroom with a fluffy full bed and a bigger bedroom that had lots of twin beds in it. The cousins got to sleep in that room. I remember watching the automatic outside light for most of the night wondering what Santa would bring us. It was always so much fun to be there for Christmas.

Third memory - I had just gotten married on December 19, 1985 and I wanted to go see the lights at Temple Square. I had heard my mother talk about how beautiful they were and how much she wanted to go see them and that never happened because my dad hated to go to Utah. The Christmas we got married was bitter cold and snowed constantly. So I still don't remember how I talked Tom into going to Utah except that we didn't have much money to go anywhere else. As we got closer to Utah, I began to realize that my new husband also didn't care for Utah much. We arrived at Temple Square, drove around the block attempting to find a parking space, nearly getting into three weather related accidents only to have Tom say..."See, there are the lights. Have I ever told you how much I hate Utah?" With that he turned around and drove back to Idaho. We didn't stop until we reached Pocatello.

Fourth memory - Mikael was about eight and he needed to have surgery on his femur. He was tripping himself when he walked because his foot turned in so much. The surgeon at PCMC thought that a left femoral trochanterosteotomy would fix the problem. This meant that his femur would be cut in half, twisted and then plated back together. The surgery would last approximately six hours or so. It wasn't the first surgery that he had ever had but for some reason I was really nervous about this one. Sometimes knowing is scarier than not knowing. Being a nurse, I knew all the complications for this particular procedure and I was afraid for my little boy.

We chose to do it at Christmas because Mike had a hard time in school anyway and so we didn't want him to miss too much and this would give him the four months after that he needed to recooperate before he started baseball. He was going to have to be nonweight bearing for four months to give the bone time to heal. Actually Christmas turned out to be an amazing time to be at PCMC. There were opportunities everyday for the kids to have good things happen. Someone famous came to visit everyday and Mike was adorable so we were signing a press release just about everyday so that his picture could appear in or on one media venue or another.

Before we went to the hospital though, I thought that something really special was in order so I arranged for us all (Tom, Mike, Alyssa, Grandma Schlund, and myself) to visit Temple Square to see the lights. It was amazing and the kids loved it. Because it was below zero outside, the visitor centers were void of visitors and we pretty much had the place to ourselves. The sister missionaries were delighted to have someone to talk to and were more than willing to take us around on our own personal guide tours. In one of the visitor centers, there is a room where the lights are all turned out at one point and it looks like you are standing in the middle of the galaxy. I was not aware until seconds before that this would happen and being the mom that I am I searched frantically for my little ones when the lights came back on. My mother was crying when the lights came back on as was the sister missionary. When we got upstairs, both attempted to tell us what happened when the lights went off. Mikael was standing between the missionary and my mom and he grabbed both of their hands and whispered "this is just like I remember from before." My mom asked him "Before when?" And in his sweet eight year old voice, newly being baptized by just a few weeks said, "Before I was here. You know in heaven."

I am grateful for these moments that I remember. The sweet Christmas memories that come flooding back when I choose to allow myself to place myself back in time. Merry Christmas!

24

Twenty-four years ago, I was a very unsure nineteen year old with plenty of dreams and no common sense. But I knew one thing for sure, I loved Tom Edelmayer. We were standing on the edge of the rest of our forever together. Somedays I wish that I could go back to that day and feel the excitement of not knowing what was going to happen and dreaming of all that could. Yet there is a pleasant satisfaction in knowing that I know him and he knows me. I am grateful for the little things that we have hung onto throughout the years that identify our love for each other. I am not even sure that we remember anymore why they got started in the first place but we continue to use them like comfortable blankets.

I fell up a mountain for him when we met. We went up to Meadow Lake for a picnic. I challenged him to a race up a short trail (full well knowing that he would let me win) and half way up, I tripped. I slid without even getting my hands out in front of me. I believe I had dirt in my teeth and other odd places that are not ok to talk about on this blog. He stiffled his laughter long enough to pick me up and attempt to dust me off without inappropriate first date touching. I was mortified and truly believed that he would drop me off at the end of the date and sigh "Good riddence". But instead he smiled with his grey blue eyes, kissed me on the cheek and told me that he would call me. I told my roomates that he was the man I was going to marry. Fortunately for me he allowed me the opportunity to fullfill that prophecy:)

As a nurse, I frequently care for people with chest pain and I ask them to describe the pain to me. I usually have to ask questions like..."Is it a sharp pain like someone is stabbing you? Or a dull ache like heartburn, radiating down your arm and up into your neck?" I think this is a lot like what happens after this many years of being married. I remember when we first met and for many years after we were first married. He would walk into the room or brush up next to me and my heart would quicken its pace, beating rapidly, sharply. Now it is more like my heart moves in rhythm with his, radiating through our whole home when we are in sync. I loved the quick excitement that our youth brought but I am content with the strong, radiating comfort that our maturity brings.



I am grateful for his involvement in his children's lives. This is a man who was involved in many activities, hunting, fishing, golf, sports of all kinds. He was almost 26 years old when we married and I can honestly say that for many years I felt like I ran a "close" second to activities and his family. However, as our children have grown up following their dad around and frequently participating in those activities, his love for those activities became something more. It became about his love for his children. He no longer goes to play golf for himself. He goes to watch and tweek his children's golf game as they develop their own loves for the things he once loved to do. I love his enthusiasm for their talents and his willingness to share how he feels about them with anyone that will listen.

Over the years, if there were one word that I could attach to Tom it would be honest. Honest in every aspect of his life. I think if there were a gene for honesty, Tom has it in the nucleus of every cell of his body. He tells it how it is. Never pulls any punches. He would never slight anyone or anything. Take for instance his employment. I have never known any foundation that he has ever formed and poured that was more than 1/16th off square. For any one that knows concrete, that is extremely difficult to do. He has never asked anyone that has worked for him to do anything that he wasn't willing to jump in and do himself. This work ethic also applies to his spiritual work in the church.

Twenty-four years is a long time for anything. We have beat the odds in so many ways. I remember going to Mikael's neurologist when he was about ten for a check-up. It had been years since Tom had gone with us as he was busy making a living and I had kind of taken over that job. The doctor was surprised to see him and made the comment that he never would have bet that we would have stayed married. Marriages have a difficult time surviving normal everyday struggles. Add in there a chronically ill child, mounting medical bills, and a plethora of other odds and it really is amazing that we still like each other. As we face each new challenge that seem to arise at every corner we turn, I am so very grateful that we are doing it together, 24 hours of everyday, for the last 24 years.

I loved this man when I met him and I will continue to love him for many more years to come.

5 Deep Breaths

Do you know that on the inside of a Dove's chocolate that there are quip little quotes, comments, or future suggestions. I probably didn't know that because I don't usually eat Dove's chocolates, I am a mini Reese's peanut buttercup kind of gal but Jaxon chose those as his treat after his game last night. I was kind of surprised because normally Jaxon does not like to eat chocolate but this was his choice.

Today, Tom and Jaxon were going to McDonald's for breakfast (Jaxon's favorite pre-game breakfast) when Tom accidentally backed up and even though he had looked a little Jetta came around the corner and Tom caught her passenger door with his back bumper. Our pickup came out of it unscathed, the Jetta has a dent. Not so cool...

Later, our little boy's Madison Cats team that Jaxon plays on lost a game in a tournament that they have been playing in. We have decided that the boys are just not morning players as anytime they do play in the am, it takes till the four quarter to wake up. Hello, that is not your alarm you are hearing, that is the four quarter buzzer! They were bummed and as always the dad's (I blame testosterone) were on edge and full of suggestions of how they could do better. Needless to say, voices were raised and nerves were on edge.

The family hopped into the car and proceeded to "pick" at each other for one thing or another. I am certain that this never happens to other families or at least that is what Lifetime television has led me to believe. While this family togetherness is occurring, Alyssa opens up one of those Dove candies and reads the following: Take five deep breaths. She immediately relays this information to all of us. In fact she demanded that we follow the instructions from the chocolate wisdom. Amazingly enough five deep breaths are just the thing to do the trick for tense situations.

Maybe the exact cure for what ails us is something as simple as chocolate and deep breathing. Who knew?

Grasshopper and the Ants

So I have been thinking a lot about the economy. Really who hasn't. Over the last year, millions have lost their jobs. My husband included. What started out as "Things will be OK" has turned into "They are just things". Although it is very liberating to know that in a months time I have only spent money on bills and food, it is also somewhat scary to know that as Christmas approaches...well it is definitely going to be different.

I remembered recently the fable of the grasshopper and the ants. The grasshopper plays and plays and the ants work and work. Not only do they play and work but they are somewhat nagging each other as they do it. The grasshopper refuses to acknowledge that winter is coming and the ants refuse to take a day off, working their little antenna to nubs (or something like that). Winter comes quickly and catches the grasshopper "off guard" while the ants are prepared, warm and happy. The grasshopper begs the ants to let him in and they refuse and rebuke him for his idleness and he dies.

I personally like the nicer version of this fable in that the ants have pity on the grasshopper and help him repent by giving him jobs to "pay" his way to staying with the ants and sharing in their hard work. So here is what I have been thinking about...lots of us were playing the "grasshopper" roll. We refused to heed the warnings for the impending gloom and doom. Tomorrow, I will stock my food storage, save extra cash and get out of debt. . .Tomorrow is a long time away. . .we don't have to worry because it is tomorrow. I believe there were a few smart "ants" that paid attention to the signs and warnings and "followed the Prophet". So now I have spent time in the cold (so to speak) and I am repentent. I want to be with the ants, maybe let them embrace me and tell me it will be ok. Maybe they will allow me the privilege to warm myself at their good choices and forgive me of my foolishness.

I am grateful for the few wise choices that I did make. Jaxon asked the other day if we were done eating food storage cause he is not sold on this food concept. He really likes food for anyone who doesn't know that. Good thing he likes mac n cheese and ramen noodles. My little home is cozy not extravigant or showy. Heats for less and has a managable payment. I have an education that although I have to leave my "little people", they will be fed by my hard work.

I am exceptionally grateful for the little blessings everyday that help me to understand that the Lord loves me and is mindful of my needs. He forgives me for my foolish ways and allows me to show him that I can change. Indeed this has been a long winter. . . and I am looking forward to the warmth that I hope the spring might bring.