Really...

I found a lump, again. I have had them since I was in my twenties and they don't get more fun to worry about. Each time this happens, I envision the worst and the worst is leaving my family. Cancer is scary no matter where you find it. It was around graduation that I found it and as worried as I get about the "C" word and the thought that there is something that shouldn't be there growing is...I wanted graduation to be about Alyssa. So the day following graduation I went in to have the offending lump removed. My doctor and I had a conversation about how to keep this from happening again as it really statrs to wear on my mental capacities. I told him I was not apposed to just scooping my breast material out (cause really it is just fat anyway)...REALLY! Apparantly a bilateral masectomy is considered radical and not really recommended unless it is a last resort. Who knew?

Actually that is the other problem...I know. Being a nurse puts a completely different perspective on medical events. Most people know enough to be worried. When you know what is the worst case scenario could be...alarming is more the sensation. So the plan that we came up with was to find the offending lump and any of his friends and eliminate them terminator style.

I woke up with nine insertion sites where he had drained cysts and 3 three inch incisions on both breasts from where the cysts would not decompress and he took them out whilest I slept.

I should tell you that prior to going in, my husband gave me the most amazing priesthood blessing where he told me that everything was going to be ok. So following the surgery, I put all the worry aside. Which if you know me... is a really big deal!  It wasn't until the next week that I even thought about it again other than the bandages and the pain.  The day that I was supposed to get the news that had the potential to change my life I had to work and I had to stop twice on the way to work to vomit.  My worry button got pushed or something like that.

After finding out that the doctor was in surgery and would have to call me later...my provider told me that we could just call and get the results.  Waiting for that fax to come across was torture but a relief when the results were just offending cysts gone fiberous but non cancerous.  I was so relieved that I sat down on the floor of the file room and cried happy tears.