Trust

I have been stressed a bunch lately. Some of it is stress that has come about because of the events of time. Some of the stress is the stress that I create myself. Some of it is just stress that happens from being a mom and then you put me into the equation and that doubles it. Type A personality doesn't even begin to express my mentality or demeanor. It has taken me years to "let go" of some of the control that I think that I need to have over situations. For instance, I have been the nurse manager of one clinic or another for more than fifteen years. During that time I have been in charge of other nurses and this includes scheduling. For that same amount of time, I have listened to nurses be unhappy with the scheduling mostly because they are only thinking of themselves and their own situations. I understand that. But I, for whatever reason, took this very personally even to the point of making myself sick about what was going to be said concerning the schedule. Recently, I came to the realization that I did not have to put myself through this every month and especially at holiday times, if I let them choose themselves what they would work and not work. Not always does it work out that they get exactly what they ask for but when grumbling arises, all I have to say is, "who scheduled you for that day?" Funny but rarely do I have to defend myself.

I have been racking my brain for a solution to the difficulties that we as a family are experiencing which range anywhere from financial to emotional to just simply what do we want to be when we grow up. I have made myself not just a little crazy attempting to come to a conclusion when today I attended an institute class that our Stake President puts on once a week. His subject was on the first chapters of Luke. I went with the attitude of learning and I am grateful that I did because I was most definitely taught. He talked about trust and faith. I never thought of them being interchangable in meaning and value. The commandments are there for our safety and benefit and how much do we trust or have faith in Jesus Christ that we will follow them. Do we just have a little so we rely on our own understanding and knowledge or do we turn it over to the Lord. I have fallen far short of turning it completely over to the Lord and frequently forgotten to trust that He knows what is best for me and my situations.

The other thing that President Marcum touched on was adversity. He asked who we thought we were that we didn't deserve adversity in our lives. Did we think were were above trials? Or did we think that we should just sail through life free of care or worry? After this reprove, I have attempted to rededicate myself to thinking more positive of the blessings that I have enjoyed because the Lord recognizes me, my type A personality and my constant pleadings with Him for help. He wants me to ask because it opens up the lines of communication so that He can hear and answer and I can listen and serve.