Memories of Green

This last week we have been glued to a new blog about one of our little friends, Jace who just found out that he has leukemia. Reading about their new "adventures" has brought our memories full circle to over twenty-one years ago. We too had started our own "life adventure" and in a blink of an eye, our whole world changed. We were at the old Primary Children's hospital. Old was the operative word there. There was not enough space for everything that needed to exist in a medical facility so most of the hallways were lined with equipment. The walls were painted in the most nauseating color of green and there was no rhyme or reason with how or where most children were located.

We were assigned the green team. This was a team of doctors, nurse practitioners, and nurses who took care of Mikael. We were forced to share a very small room, 10' x 15' with another very sad family who had a very sick baby too. The MRI wasn't even at PCMC, but located at LDS hospital several blocks away. It was a new proceedure and the rad tech joked that he knew exactly what was wrong with our baby. He laughed as he announced that Mikael had a crack in his brain. I remember panic...how...why...and then the tech realized that neither Tom or I got the joke, either because we were emotionally spent or because we were exhausted from over thirty hours of no sleep or both. The cracks that he had referred to were actually the natural sutures in his skull. Not so funny. The doctors came in later and told us that Mike had had a stroke.


I remember with amazing clarity the sensation that the earth had been jerked from beneath my feet as they explained that our boy would never be what we had anticipated. I had signed up for ITALY and got sent to HOLLAND. (It's a poem) And you know since that moment, life has really never been what I had imagined for any of us. The milestones in our child's life came at different intervals and definitely played out so much differently than they did for other children. Hospital visits and medical bills were common and everyday for our family.

Several years ago I heard Alyssa and her friends talking about fish tanks (I'm not sure why but the subject was being discussed) Alyssa told her friends that her very favorite fish tanks were the salt water tanks at PCMC in the surgery waiting areas. Her friends laughed and joked "yah mine too...so when were you there?" She said, " I have spend a lot of time waiting in that room, staring at the beautiful fish and the bubbles, wondering and praying for my brother on the other side."

I do believe that we "signed up" for the tasks and trials that we experience (those that are not part of the consequences of our power to choose) here on earth. I know that Mike did and I am pretty sure that we as a family did. I am not so certain that we knew what we were getting into. Maybe it didn't look this hard or we thought we would handle it better from the other side. Somewhere along the line, I think we forgot that we would forget that this is suppose to be an opportunity to grow. I know that I am quick to forget and slow to remember why I am here. I am here to be the mother and the keeper of the memories...of green.

I am sad for our friends, the Leatham's. I am sad that their lives have and will continue to be different than they envisioned. I hope that somewhere along the line, I can offer them words of hope and encouragement that no matter what happens, the Lord has blessed and will continue to bless them in small and simple ways. I have seen His efforts in all aspects of this journey.